Trot 
If it aint Manc its wank!
The Joke Thread..........
31-08-07, 03:25 PM
#273
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone there
is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his constant boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Dave,
how about Tom Cruise?'
'No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.
'So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door and Tom Cruise shouts, 'Dave! What's happening? Great to see you!
Come on in, have a beer! Although impressed, Dave's boss is still
sceptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him
knowing Cruise was just lucky.
'No, no, just name anyone else,' Dave says. 'President Bush,' his boss
quickly retorts.
'Yup,' Dave says, 'Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington .'
And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his
boss over, saying, Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up.'
Well, the boss is much shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to
Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
'The Pope,' his boss replies.
'Sure!' says Dave. 'I've known the Pope for years.'
So off they fly to Rome .
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when Dave
says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.
Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll
come out on the balcony with the Pope.'
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the
balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,
'What happened?'
His boss looks up and says,
'It was the final straw - you and the Pope came out on the balcony and
the man next to me said......
.. 'Who the fu*k's that on the balcony with Dave?'
is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his constant boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Dave,
how about Tom Cruise?'
'No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.
'So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door and Tom Cruise shouts, 'Dave! What's happening? Great to see you!
Come on in, have a beer! Although impressed, Dave's boss is still
sceptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him
knowing Cruise was just lucky.
'No, no, just name anyone else,' Dave says. 'President Bush,' his boss
quickly retorts.
'Yup,' Dave says, 'Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington .'
And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his
boss over, saying, Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up.'
Well, the boss is much shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to
Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
'The Pope,' his boss replies.
'Sure!' says Dave. 'I've known the Pope for years.'
So off they fly to Rome .
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when Dave
says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.
Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll
come out on the balcony with the Pope.'
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the
balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,
'What happened?'
His boss looks up and says,
'It was the final straw - you and the Pope came out on the balcony and
the man next to me said......
.. 'Who the fu*k's that on the balcony with Dave?'
" shocking cock-up, the mice were furious "
31-08-07, 06:51 PM
#275
Nice one Streak, I love the Dave joke. Cracks me up everytime!
Man goes into cage. Cage goes in the salsa. Sharks in the salsa. Our shark!
03-09-07, 03:04 PM
#277
As I lie in bed, thinking of you, I feel an urge to grab you and squeeze you, as I cannot forget last night.
It was balmy and you arrived unexpectedley. And what happened in my bed has left a tingling sensation.
You appeared from nowhere and you shamelessly lay upon my naked body. You sensed my indifference, so started to bite my body and drive me crazy.
Finally, after you had gone I managed to fall into a deep sleep.
Today when I woke the sheets bore witness to last nights events. And my body still shows the marks of your hunger, making it harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake, waiting silently for you ..............................................................
You F****** horrible mosquito, you!!!!!!!!!
It was balmy and you arrived unexpectedley. And what happened in my bed has left a tingling sensation.
You appeared from nowhere and you shamelessly lay upon my naked body. You sensed my indifference, so started to bite my body and drive me crazy.
Finally, after you had gone I managed to fall into a deep sleep.
Today when I woke the sheets bore witness to last nights events. And my body still shows the marks of your hunger, making it harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake, waiting silently for you ..............................................................
You F****** horrible mosquito, you!!!!!!!!!
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
03-09-07, 03:23 PM
#278
The two attempted terrorists at glasgow airport have been formally iudentified. Bern Tmajeep and Singe maheed
Oh what a feelin! When you're dunking, on the ceilin!
03-09-07, 06:05 PM
#279
^^ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Eff - I can see the pair of us getting a warning for that - you for the joke and me for finding it so funny mate
Lol
Nic
xx
Eff - I can see the pair of us getting a warning for that - you for the joke and me for finding it so funny mate
Lol
Nic
xx
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
06-09-07, 03:05 PM
#280
Bloody hell.
I had a bet on the Pavarotti would live to be a 100.
Looks like I've just lost a tenor!!!
I had a bet on the Pavarotti would live to be a 100.
Looks like I've just lost a tenor!!!
07-09-07, 03:13 PM
#283
What’s Pavarotti’s wife getting for Christmas?
a smaller turkey………
..I'll get me coat..
a smaller turkey………
..I'll get me coat..
" shocking cock-up, the mice were furious "
07-09-07, 03:25 PM
#284
They're still looking for volunteers to carry the coffin.
I grew up to become a screw up...
08-09-07, 10:39 AM
#285
^^That would be a punishment!!!!!!
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
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