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Lets start a joke thread - just to keep everyone smiling!!!!
I'll start us off with this daft one......
The other morning I had a crash in my car, I went right up the backside of a bloke driving this brand new merc.
This bloke gets out of his car and I noticed that he was a dwarf, he shouts at me,
"I'm not happy!"
So I said,
"So which one are you then!!!!!!!...................................
Get it ha ha - i know i'm daft!!
lol
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
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Here's another one....
The wife is lounging on the sofa with her legs akimbo showing off her new crotchless knickers, she smiles suggestively at her husband and says,
"Do you want to come over here and get some of this?"
He looks up from his newspaper and replies,
"Sod that!! Look what it's done to your knickers!!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
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What have liverpool and olivia newton john got in common?
They both got fucked in greece.
Oh what a feelin! When you're dunking, on the ceilin!
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i cant tell jokes for SHIT
i always forget the punchline!
I need more lemon pledge...
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Its all about the setup...
THe lone ranger and tonto are going camping, so they walk into the desert and set up there stuff. However, hthis took a while soo they both thought they might as well just go straight to sleep. A few hours later tonto prods the lone ranger and says "kemo Sabe- Look up at the sky, What can you see?"
To which theranger responds "i see millions of stars." "so what does it tell you?" asks tonto. The lone ranger ponders for a moment then comments "astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically it tellsme saturn is in leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it tells me the lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. meteorogically, we'll have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo Sh*t. Someone stole the tent"
Oh what a feelin! When you're dunking, on the ceilin!
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Two Nuns are walking down the road and a mugger jumps out of the bushes at them,
"Quick!" Says Mother Mary, "Show him your cross!!!!""
The other nun turns round to him and says,
"Oi, you little f***ing sh*t, go and F**k yourself!!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
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Erm - can I put rude ones on here?
lol
Nic
xx
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
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A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist.
The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window.
He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."
“You must face the power of the black wave of Lardossa before you become a Drexciyan wave jumperâ€
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Nice work people, heard the Lone Ranger one years ago.
Bit of topic but does anyone know where I can get a piecost ?
