^^ I'm on me second bottle 
" shocking cock-up, the mice were furious "
The Joke Thread..........
28-06-07, 10:18 PM
#183
A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife,
' Ya now sumtin' woman, we have a wonderful new system at de fire
station.........
Bell 1 rings........... we put on our jackets
Bell 2 rings........... we slide down de pole
Bell 3 rings........... we jump on de engine and we's ready to
go.
'From now on womon,
When I says,' Bell one' ....... I want yo to strip naked
When I says, 'Bell two'........ Yo jump on de bed
When I says, ' Bell three'...... we's gonna mek a love all tru de night girl.
The next night, he came home and shouted, 'Bell one' ..... and de wife stripped naked.
' Bell two'
..... and she jumped on the bed.
' Bell three'
... and they started to make love.
Afte a few minutes, the wife yelled out, ' Bell four'
'WOMON, What de hell is Bell four?', he asked
She replied, 'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, MON, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DE
FIRE!!'.
' Ya now sumtin' woman, we have a wonderful new system at de fire
station.........
Bell 1 rings........... we put on our jackets
Bell 2 rings........... we slide down de pole
Bell 3 rings........... we jump on de engine and we's ready to
go.
'From now on womon,
When I says,' Bell one' ....... I want yo to strip naked
When I says, 'Bell two'........ Yo jump on de bed
When I says, ' Bell three'...... we's gonna mek a love all tru de night girl.
The next night, he came home and shouted, 'Bell one' ..... and de wife stripped naked.
' Bell two'
..... and she jumped on the bed.
' Bell three'
... and they started to make love.
Afte a few minutes, the wife yelled out, ' Bell four'
'WOMON, What de hell is Bell four?', he asked
She replied, 'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, MON, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DE
FIRE!!'.
f*!k the fakers. 190miles per hour? but i only left the house 5 minutes ago officer
28-06-07, 11:29 PM
#184
Loving the barrymore one, got a great flyer of his face from years back when all the drama started, will have to scan it in 
Fresh prince one is good too, one of the best shows ever made if you ask me. Spotted all the different serties on box-set in HMV the other day!
Fresh prince one is good too, one of the best shows ever made if you ask me. Spotted all the different serties on box-set in HMV the other day!
Wishing it was like the old days again
28-06-07, 11:53 PM
#186
pirate Wrote:I love Fresh Prince I'll have to get it on dvd
it's a classic IMO
the boy with the three stripes
02-07-07, 09:22 PM
#187
Jesus walks into a pub one day and meets an Australian, a Scotsman and a Scouser.
He notices that the Australian is on crutches and asks why, the Aussie replies,
"I hurt my ankle when I was surfing!"
So Jesus touches the Aussies ankle and lo and behold it is better!!
Jesus then approaches the Scotsman who's arm is in a sling, the scotsmans tells him,
"I fell down drunk and broke my arm!"
Jesus touches the scotsmans arm and miracously the bone has healed!!
Jesus then starts walking towards the scouser,
"Fuck off you - I'm on disability benefit!!!!!"
He notices that the Australian is on crutches and asks why, the Aussie replies,
"I hurt my ankle when I was surfing!"
So Jesus touches the Aussies ankle and lo and behold it is better!!
Jesus then approaches the Scotsman who's arm is in a sling, the scotsmans tells him,
"I fell down drunk and broke my arm!"
Jesus touches the scotsmans arm and miracously the bone has healed!!
Jesus then starts walking towards the scouser,
"Fuck off you - I'm on disability benefit!!!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
02-07-07, 09:24 PM
#188
A little girl walks into her parents bedroom late one night,
"JESUS CHRIST!!!!!" , she screams,
"And you want me to see a doctor about sucking my thumb!!!!!"
"JESUS CHRIST!!!!!" , she screams,
"And you want me to see a doctor about sucking my thumb!!!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
02-07-07, 09:27 PM
#189
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were all sitting in the pub discussing families.
The Englishman says,
My son was born on St Georges day, so we called him George."
The Scotsman says,
"That's brilliant! My son was born on St Andrews day, so we called him Andrew!"
So the Irishman turns round and says,
"That's fuckin brilliant - wait til I go home and tell our Pancake!"
The Englishman says,
My son was born on St Georges day, so we called him George."
The Scotsman says,
"That's brilliant! My son was born on St Andrews day, so we called him Andrew!"
So the Irishman turns round and says,
"That's fuckin brilliant - wait til I go home and tell our Pancake!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
02-07-07, 09:30 PM
#190
^ just found an old box of Christmas crackers nic??
" shocking cock-up, the mice were furious "
02-07-07, 09:46 PM
#191
I'm just trying to cheer myself up mate
Besides - how the hell did you guess where all my jokes come from!!!
Wounded!!
lol
xx
Besides - how the hell did you guess where all my jokes come from!!!
Wounded!!
lol
xx
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
![[Image: untitledhw8.png]](http://img529.imageshack.us/img529/2135/untitledhw8.png)
03-07-07, 06:32 PM
#193
What does Jordan do with her c**t after sex?
gets him to sing 'Mysterious Girl'
Hahahahahahahahahhaha
gets him to sing 'Mysterious Girl'
Hahahahahahahahahhaha
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03-07-07, 06:43 PM
#194
A lady goes on holiday to the Caribbean and meets a local man. After fantastic mind blowing sex she asks him for his name.
He says,
"My name is Snow!"
As soon as the words have left his mouth the woman starts laughing, so the man asks her,
"Whats so funny?"
So she replies,
"When I get home my husband will never believe me when I tell him i had 12 inches of snow in the caribbean!!!!!"
He says,
"My name is Snow!"
As soon as the words have left his mouth the woman starts laughing, so the man asks her,
"Whats so funny?"
So she replies,
"When I get home my husband will never believe me when I tell him i had 12 inches of snow in the caribbean!!!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
03-07-07, 06:48 PM
#195
A pacific cruise ship sinks with only 3 survivors, David, Darren and Daisy.
They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally.
But Daisy feels bad about having sex with both Darren and David, she kills herself!
Sad for Darren and David!!! But they get over it and again nature takes its course.
After a couple more years the two lads feel really bad about what they are doing ....................................................................................................
So they bury her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally.
But Daisy feels bad about having sex with both Darren and David, she kills herself!
Sad for Darren and David!!! But they get over it and again nature takes its course.
After a couple more years the two lads feel really bad about what they are doing ....................................................................................................
So they bury her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
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