[camnic1972]

It goes in dry,
And comes out wet,
The longer it's in,
The stronger it gets.
When it comes out,
It drips and it sags,
What is it?



















A Teabag!!!!

[camnic1972]

Whats the difference between an "Oooooh" and an "Aaaaaah"?

















About 2 inches

[camnic1972]

How do you spot a randy man at the nudist camp?














He is the one with a coffee in each hand and can still carry a dozen doughnuts!!!!!

[camnic1972]

A man is on holiday and one day manages to fall asleep on the beach and suffers horrific sunburn to both of his legs.
When he goes to the hospital the doctor attends to his legs by plastering them with ointment and then gives the man a viagra pill to take,
"Why a viagra Doc?" the man asks puzzled,
"Thats to keep the sheets of your legs"

[camnic1972]

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

























Doyouthinkhesaurus!!!

[streak]

Please.... make... it.... stop.....

[camnic1972]

Ah but you are lovin' it aint cha!

[camnic1972]

A man walks up to his wife and pinches her bum and says,
"If you could firm this up we could get rid of your girdle."
Furious, she bites her lip and says nothing.
The next morning the pair of them are lying in bed when he pinches her boobs and says,
"Do you know if you firmed these up you could get rid of your bra."
No longer able to remain silent the wife reaches over and grabs her husbands limp willy, and replies,
"Yes love, and if you could firm this up we could get rid of the milkman the postman the delivery man and your brother!"

[camnic1972]

woman asks her fiance to prove his love to her by having her name tattooed on his penis. He agrees, and when he is erect it spells out her name, Wendy and when he is soft you can only see Wy.

After their wedding they are on honeymoon in Jaimaica, and one day stumble across a nudist beach. Here the man meets another man with the letters Wy tattooed on his willy,
"Oh" he says, "Your wife must be called Wendy as well then?"
"Nah" The man replies, "Mine says "When In Jamaica hope you have a nice day""

[streak]

Fook me, last time I heard that one I fell out of me pram!!

[Da Camden Ayatollah]

Man walks into doctors n asks for a shatload of viagra. Docotr tells him that its not wise to but the man says

This weekend, Iv got my ex comin on friday, my girlfriend on saturday and my wife on sunday so i need all that viagra!

Doc gives the lot on condition that he turns up 1st thing monday morning to report any side effects

Man turns up to the doctors on monday, with his broken arm in a sling. Doc asks 'what happened with ur arm?'.

Man says 'I took the viagra. The whole fuckin lot. and you know what?none of them turned up!'

[camnic1972]

A business man enters a pub, sits down at the bar and orders a double scotch.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside the pocket of his shirt and proceeds to order another double scotch.
After he finishes that one, he peeks inside the pocket of his shirt again and then orders yet another double scotch.
The bar man looks at the businessman and says,
"Look mate, i will bring you another drink but you have got to tell me why you keep looking at the inside of your pocket on your shirt?"
The businessman replies,
"I'm peeking at the photo of my wife .............................................. When she starts to look good I know it is time to go home!"

[camnic1972]

One night a torrential downpour soaked England. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the houses.

Mrs Smith was sitting on her roof with her neighbour Mrs Jones, waiting for help to come along.

Mrs Smith noticed that a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into where the front garden was and then back again. It kept on floating out and then back again.

Her curiosity got the better of her, so she asked Mrs Jones,
"Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house and then back again? That's weird!"

Mrs Jones, looked at the cap and then replied,

"Oh yes, thats our Stan, I told him yesterday that he was to mow the lawn come hell or high water!"

[camnic1972]

What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet bowl have in common?































Men always miss them!!!

[mr.pure]

I strongly object to that, I couldn't, wouldn't and shouldn't.
In that order.