Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Sex is still the same but the dishes are starting to stack up in the sink!!!
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
Sooper Wrote:Cant believe that you are female!
Potty mouth!
I know!
When God was handing out brains I thought he said drains so I asked for a dirty one!!!!
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
Posts: 1,940
Threads: 5
Joined: Jan 2007
Reputation:
9
Well you are keeping us all very entertained! Keep up the good work!
Dance wit the speaker 'till you hear it blow - Mr Rakim
Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
Its the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on a horse is waiting for the light to change.
The policeman looks over at Johnny and says,
"Get that bike for christmas, sonny?"
The youngster replies proudley,
"Yep. Santa brought it for me"
The policeman then proceeds to write the young fella a bicycle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back of his bike and hands it to him saying,
"Well, next time ask Santa to bring you a light for it"
Johnny looks at the ticket, looks back up to the policeman and says,
"Did Santa bring you that horse officer?"
Humouring the little boy, the policeman answers,
"Why, yes he did"
To which Johnny replies,
"Well next time get him to put the dick underneath and not on the top!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
A few days ago a mother was working in the kitchen and listening to her son playing with his new train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and then her son say,
"All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now because this is the last stop. All you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your arses on the train now, because we are leaving!"
The mother went into the living room and told her son,
"We don't use that kind of language in this house son, go up to your room for two hours and think about how naughty you've been. When the two hours are up you can come back down and carry on playing with your trains as long as you don't use any of that foul language again"
Two hours later, the mother is still in the kitchen and the little boy is happily playing with his trains again. The train stopped and the mother heard,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope that your trip was a pleasant one. For all of those who are still boarding, we hope that you enjoy your trip. And for all of those who are pissed off about the two hour delay, go and see the fucking bitch in the kitchen!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
Da Camden Ayatollah
Unregistered
The council letters are d funniest?n half of em are true.i konw so cos ma ex's best mate wrote them all! I feel sorry 4 d poor bastard at camden council who had to read them all!
Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
Whats the best way to cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?
Phone them up and tell them you can't come!!!!
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
A man goes into the chemist and asks the assistant for a deodorant,
"Ball type", she asks,
"No - its for my underarms!!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run - coz she's still got the grenade in her mouth!!!
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
Posts: 1,497
Threads: 36
Joined: May 2007
Reputation:
16
I was on my way to work the other day and as the law of the sod goes, I was caught speeding.
This copper gets out of his car, and strolls over to me,
"You were going a bit fast there love, I'm going to have to give you a ticket for it."
As you can imagine, I wasn't very happy, but though Fair Play, lets be nice to the cocky copper here.
"Yes officer" I replied.
He looks at my car and starts trying to have a conversation with me as he's writing out the bloody ticket,
"So, why were you going so fast then?"
"I'm late for work."
He smiled, then asked me,
"So, you must have a very important job then if you were speeding that much. What do you do?"
I replied,
"I work at the Hospital, and yes, my job is quite important."
He says,
"So, what is it then?"
I tell him,
"I'm a rectum stretcher"
He looks at me puzzled,
"A what?????"
I said,
"I'm a rectum stretcher, its a very important job, officer."
He says,
"So, what do you do for that then?"
I replied,
"Well, to start with I insert one finger and wriggle it around, then I insert two fingers and wriggle them around, until it is big enough to insert three fingers. After a lot of wriggling around it's not long before I can fit my whole hand in, then my arm, then I continue wriggling it around until the rectum is about 6 foot big, officer."
He starts laughing and then says,
"What do you do with an arsehole that big then?"
I replied,
"Stick him in a police car, put him under a bridge, and give him a fucking radar gun!!!!!"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
