what did the left ass cheek say to the right?
dont talk to the guy in the middle, he is a real asshole!
quality from my little cuz..
dont talk to the guy in the middle, he is a real asshole!
quality from my little cuz..
The Joke Thread..........
17-02-10, 04:28 AM
#317
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: £1.50
Chicken Sandwich: £2.50
Hand Job: £5.00
Checking his wallet, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes" she purrs "I am."
The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
Cheese Sandwich: £1.50
Chicken Sandwich: £2.50
Hand Job: £5.00
Checking his wallet, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes" she purrs "I am."
The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
Supe like Wanton, Buju like Banton
17-02-10, 12:15 PM
#318
Hahaha!
I am glad this thread has resurfaced!
I am glad this thread has resurfaced!
"SSDB does not condone or promote wack behaviour"
17-02-10, 01:08 PM
#319
Bono, lead singer of the Rock Band U2 is famous throughout the Entertainment Industry for being more than just a little
self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding his audience in total silence,
he said into the microphone, “Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa diesâ€
From the front row a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet.
â€Well, stop fooken doin it then, ya evil bastard!!!
self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding his audience in total silence,
he said into the microphone, “Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa diesâ€
From the front row a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet.
â€Well, stop fooken doin it then, ya evil bastard!!!
With God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction.
17-02-10, 11:43 PM
#320
Fabianski?
fc should really wait until after tomorrow night
fc should really wait until after tomorrow night
'All sins tend to be addictive and the terminal point of addiction is damnation.' - W H Auden
18-02-10, 12:29 AM
#321
I was laughing more at Wenger, he doesn't half have a short memory as far as quick free-kicks are concerned.
It was fuckin' obvious that that cunt was gonnae fuck some cunt.
18-02-10, 12:50 AM
#322
FACT : You shouldnt hold a fart in. If you do they rush back up into your brain and give you shit ideas.
Always has the answer to lifes dilemas.
18-02-10, 02:12 PM
#323
A man is driving around a remote area of Cornwall and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard..
The man goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies..
After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5... In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a bunch of medals.' 'I got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten pounds,' the man says.
'Ten pounds? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar, He never did any of that stuff.’
The man goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies..
After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5... In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a bunch of medals.' 'I got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten pounds,' the man says.
'Ten pounds? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar, He never did any of that stuff.’
With God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction.
19-02-10, 11:54 PM
#325
Where did you pick up that boxset Das?
Would you be good enough to participate in this morning's edification?
20-02-10, 12:06 AM
#326
It was HMV in Manchester. I found out late its on Play for much cheaper 
Still class tho
Still class tho
My friends call me Hadouken! Cause im down, right, fierce!
27-02-10, 12:31 AM
#327
What's better than seeing a dog chewing a slipper?
Watching a killer Whale eat it's trainer...
Watching a killer Whale eat it's trainer...
Supe like Wanton, Buju like Banton
27-02-10, 12:36 AM
#328
Haha! I wondered how soon jokes would surface about that...
"SSDB does not condone or promote wack behaviour"
17-03-10, 05:24 AM
#329
I'm Josef Fritzl and no windows was my idea....
Supe like Wanton, Buju like Banton
20-03-10, 08:24 PM
#330
My 8 yr old son came home from school with these two the other day...........................
What did the right leg say to the left leg?
Don't talk to him in the middle - he's a dick!
And the other one..................
How do you get a fat bird into bed?
Piece of cake!
I was, and still am, gobsmacked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell are kids learning at school these days?
What did the right leg say to the left leg?
Don't talk to him in the middle - he's a dick!
And the other one..................
How do you get a fat bird into bed?
Piece of cake!
I was, and still am, gobsmacked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the hell are kids learning at school these days?
"Bleedin Ell - You could choke a dozen donkey's wiv that"
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