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A man falls through the door a 1 o clock in the morning, pissed. He then tiptoes upstairs, climbs into bed, sneaks under the covers and starts to work his way up the bed to his wife and starts to give her the best tongue job that he can, 15 minutes later she comes with a massive groan. Feeling all chuffed with himself he goes to the toilet and sees his wife sitting on the loo !!!.
Confused, he says, "What the fuck?.........."
"SSSSShhhhuuuuuush!" says his wife, "You'll wake your mother who's having our bed!!!!!"
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If I can think of any more guys I will put them on
Lol
Nic
xx
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Whats got a bottom at the top?
Your legs!!!!
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Da Camden Ayatollah
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Theres a married couple called john and jane, happily married for ten years. But john always insists on shaggin wid the lights out. One passionate john and jane are 'horizontally jogging' shall we say when jane flicks the lites on. She see john pull out a cucumber and she screams 'you fuckin cunt! all these years we've been doing it and you been using a fuckin cucumber! john says
Thats right. i have. but tell me something. how do you explain our two kids then?
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Two women are on their way home from the pub and stop in the local graveyard for a piss. One wipes her fanny with her knickers and the other one uses a wreath.
The next night their two husbands are in the pub when one turns to the other and says,
"Eh Dave, I'm gonna have to start watching my wife you know, she came home last night with no knickers on!!"
Dave turns round and says to his mate,
"Yeah and me! Mine came home with a bloody card stuck up her arse saying "We will miss you, from all the lads at the fire station!""
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funny as f*ck that last one
all day i dream and shine.
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Paddy is telling his mate that he is about to join the army and also about his first parachute jump.He said that they were up at about 12,000feet and one by one they were all jumping out of the plane. It came to Paddy's turn and he bottled it - couldn't jump out if his life depended on it!!!!
Standing behing Paddy was the man with the biggest cock in the world, he says to Paddy,
"Paddy, if you don't jump out of this bloody plane I will shove this huge cock right up your bloody arse!!!!!"
Paddy's mate asked him,
"Well - did you jump then?"
Paddy replies,
"Well I did a little bit when it first went in!!!!!"
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Wife says to hubby,
"Did you know that a bull can manage sex every day!! Thats 365 days of the year!"
Husband replies,
"Yes! But he doesn't have to shag the same fucking cow!!!!"
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mr.pure Wrote:Nic, you is a nutter.
Good to know I'm in the 5% though.
I love you Mr Pure - you know me so well already!!
lol
xx
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A man comes back from the Amazon with a cock sucking frog.
He takes it home to show the wife,
She asks what to do with it,
To which he replies,
"Teach it to cook, then Fuck Off!!!!"
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Grandma says the her young grandson,
"Be a love and help me put this suppositery in"
Course I will Granny!"
She bends over and pulls her knickers down and spreads her legs.
Her grandson says,
"Do I put it in the brown hole Granny or do I feed it to the turkey?"
"IF THE SHOE FITS - BUY IT IN EVERY COLOUR!!!!!"
